


Still the Same

by ToWhomItMayConcern



Category: Prospect (2018)
Genre: And to fight through this block leggo, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Language, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Loss Limbs, Overstimulation, Smut, Some Dom!Reader, this was pure indulgence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:20:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26649673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToWhomItMayConcern/pseuds/ToWhomItMayConcern
Summary: Things are not going back to the way they used to be, but will you and Ezra ever be able to return from The Green?
Relationships: Ezra (Prospect 2018)/Fem!Reader, Ezra (Prospect 2018)/Reader, Ezra (Prospect 2018)/You
Comments: 1
Kudos: 41





	Still the Same

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: @aint-that-a-mcfreakin-bitch

It’s uncharastically quiet. 

_He’s_ quiet, more than ever. Sure, it’s not like he can’t sit in comfortable silence every now and then, but this isn’t comfortable and it’s more than silent; it’s _devastatingly_ tense. 

You’re used to his baritone and oddly but gruffly, melodic voice that drips with nothing but elegant poetry; even if it’s crude ( _“let me taste the sweetest nectar from that gorgeous pussy that I dream of on long nights”_ ). You haven’t heard much of it since The Green. 

You don’t know what to say or do to make this easier for Ezra. Ever since the loss of his arm he’s been a shell of his former self, drowning in his own waves of grief and frustrations, and you don’t know what the fuck to _do_. When you try to hold his hand, a subconscious part on your end that you scolded yourself for, he quickly makes an excuse to point to something, effectively unlocking your fingers, and when you lay in bed it’s usually alone, your tears dripping silently onto your pillow. 

To be fair, it’s not like you weren’t reeling from the shock of what happened, either. When you watched Cee saw through his flesh, you held his shoulders and wept with him. And when he got stabbed, it felt like the world was spinning erratically, suffocating you; your heart, your lungs, every particle of your being felt like it was crushing in on itself. 

When you parted from the sweet, lonely girl, you still couldn’t fathom the horrifics you survived. Every time you close your eyes, you still see the way his eyes widened as he felt the knife digging into him. The way you couldn’t scream or make a sound. Or how his heart nearly came to a complete stop during surgery. 

It haunts you. It makes you feel like you weren’t strong enough to protect him. You need to not only reassure him but _yourself_ that everything is okay. 

So now it’s making you feel _hopeless_ as you watch him struggle to shrug off his suit, and you know better than to ask because you know that it’s important for him to do these simple tasks on his own—when he grunts or sighs in anger, your whole body twitches to move. 

It also doesn’t help the little accident today that cost more than a few precious gems that was your ticket home is still sticking to him—and no matter how many times you assured him that this isn’t his fault and that you could care less about the gems, he still carries the weight on his shoulders. 

“Fuck,” he hisses under his breath. 

You look over from where you’re at in your tent, seeing him struggle to untwist a part of his suit with his less dominant hand. It takes a few more failed attempts before it finally shrugs off. He sighs in quiet relief and shoves the suit down until he can step out of them, toeing off his boots carefully and slumping down against his bunk once it’s at his feet. 

Your body twitches again. 

You want to kiss him. You haven’t been intimate since that forsaken moon, and looking at him now, with his beautiful face scrunched in inner turmoil, you really want to kiss him; ease away the lines that ceases on his forehead, the grimace that has replaced that wide, goofy smile you fell in love with; replace the awful images that swim in the depths of your memories, resurfacing to torture you even more. 

A chuckle fills the tent, but it’s not the affectionate, hearty laugh that you’re used to. 

“I normally don’t say such a thing,” he pants like he just ran a marathon; you look up at him from where you’re crouched at, supplies still in your hands. 

“Say what?” You ask when he doesn’t continue. 

He finally turns towards you and it’s hard to miss the dark circles under his eyes; you’re positive yours look nearly identical. 

“I’m sorry,” he smiles without a trace of happiness. “Must be lost in my thoughts, Blue.”

_“Blue?”_

_“As blue and beautiful as the sky, day and night, always my muse and partner in crime, without the sorrows.”_

_“Isn’t it usually associated with sadness?”_

_His eyes crinkled. “Yes, but it is not the most prominent feature. See, it also resembles stability, trust, depth… and that’s what you remind me of. How you make this old, weathered soul feel.”_

“Want to talk about it?”

A part of you knows he’s going to try and brush it off like he has been doing, but another part just _hopes_ that this is him finally breaking down and letting you in the thick barriers he put up the moment he came to after getting picked up from that pod. 

It’s hope that this will help you as well. 

Ezra sniffs and shuffles slightly to his right, away from you, gnawing on his bottom lip like he’s… he’s struggling not to cry. 

“Tell me Blue,” he says darkly. His whole body is trembling, you’re unsure with what, but it’s clear as day. A few moments has already passed but your mouth still remains shut, your heart beating rapidly against your chest, echoing loudly in your ears. 

Finally he slowly turns his head towards you with a dark look that matches the dark brown color of his eyes. “Do those exquisite eyes of yours look at me with that of pity? Disgust, even?”

You don’t know what you were expecting, but it certainly wasn’t _that_ , laced with venom that you’ve never heard directed towards you before until now. Your stomach flips in knots, your heart stopping under the breath held in your chest. 

All this time, you’ve been _hurting_ him. The both of you so caught up that you failed to recognize that you were hurting _each other_ , that you were both calling out for help in your own, silent ways. 

“Ezra,” you croak; it sounds like you’re choking on air, lodged by the force of his words. 

“Please,” he whispers brokenly; tears prick at the back of your eyes. “Be honest with me, for I am not sure my heart can take such lies from those lips of yours.”

Okay, he was asking you to talk to him. This is your chance.

“I don’t.” You take this opportunity to crawl closer to him, staring into his eyes as they never left your figure. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now, but I just—I don’t want you to shut me out and go through this alone.” 

He looks away from you with his bottom lip stuck between his teeth, his chin trembling just slightly; you have to stop yourself from grabbing it and pulling him into your arms. 

“Some days Blue it’s hard to wake up, knowing what I have lost.” He answers gravely, keeping his eyes now ahead of him. “Then I start to feel selfish when I look at you, because I had almost lost the light in my darkness as well on that forsaken Green. And I start—start to feel useless without my most trusted hand, like I’m weighing ya down; draining the sweet honey that keeps you so elegantly sweet and lively. Now don’t say nothing quite yet, Blue—” He says when he sees your mouth open. “—I’m not blaming you, nor am I trying to set more pressure on your shoulders.” 

He waits until you nod before he continues. “I do not want you to stay just because you feel like you have to, my Moon. And I don’t… I cannot bear the thought that you’d find me unattractive now, but I will not object your happiness.”

You know he wants to say more but you can’t handle the emotions swirling through you like a storm, fighting to soothe away these ludacris doubts, the dark clouds brewing in his head. 

Ezra makes a _hrmp_ sound in the back of his throat at your lips touching his gently, and when you start to pull back to apologize, he chases your lips and captures them with the same softness you showed him. You put your hands up to cup his cheeks, caressing your thumb across his stubble and scooting even closer to him; like you’ve done so many times before, you sling your leg over his lap, planting yourself on his thighs. 

He doesn’t wrap his arm around you like he always does, but that’s okay—this is the most honest and open you’ve been with each other ever since the Green, and you’ll take any piece of crumbs with gentle and careful ease. 

“Ezra,” you breathe, breaking away from the kiss; your breaths mix and your noses touch, your hands still cupping his face, making sure he’s looking at you. “None of those thoughts have even crossed my mind _once_. I was—Ezra I thought I _lost_ you.” 

You exhale shakily, trying to steady your trembling lips. “I thought I was going to lose you and every time I close my eyes or even _dream_ I see it happening all over again.” You press a quick kiss, only catching the top of his lip, to reassure yourself. “I can’t _bear_ the thought of it happening again and… and I’m _scared_.”

“Look I know… I know things are different now, and it’s going to take time for us to adjust, but I’m going to be at your side through it all, because that’s what we do, right?” He gulps and nods once, his eyes glistening. 

“So trust me, I’m not going anywhere, we’re both here and alive—” You tentatively reach for his left arm, gauging his reaction; he lets you, yet you notice the way his breathing starts to pick up. 

“Don’t,” Ezra stops you gruffly, seeing your arm starting to retract back. “It’s okay, beautiful.”

You nod and take a deep breath. “Go lay down for me.”

He does as he’s told, spreading his legs with a miniscule smirk that speaks nothing but trouble—you’re so fucking happy to see it. 

“Don’t leave me aching for you,” he says darkly, the slight octave in his voice giving away his eagerness. 

You answer by stripping out of your shirt, then your pants until you’re naked as the day you were born, and the way his fist clenches along with his jaw has your pussy fluttering in anticipation. 

Ezra sighs in content when you finally straddle him, feeling his cock press up against you through his pants. You lean down and kiss him properly this time, tracing your tongue along his bottom lip until he opens his mouth, swirling his tongue with yours with a hearty groan. He grabs your hip and not-so-subtly pulls you forwards so that you grind against his hips. 

“Fuck,” you hiss at the delicious friction. 

“Blue,” he moans when you grind against him again. 

“Can I?” You play with the hem of his shirt. 

He takes a deep breath and wraps his fingers in your hair, pulling your forehead down to meet his. His eyes close as if in peace and you allow yours to do the same, settling more of your weight on his. 

This moment, right here and now, is… _Stars_ there’s just no words to describe the love you feel for him, or how important this is for him _and_ for you; no vocabulary in the world, including Ezra’s, can match the beauty and intensity of it; nothing and no one can touch you here. 

“Yes,” he sighs against your lips. 

For a second you forget what he’s saying yes to but then you open your eyes to find his open and staring at yours before capturing your lips. He keeps his hand tangled in your hair as you slide your palms under his shirt, feeling the soft muscles contract and shiver underneath your touch. His shirt goes up with your administrations, and it takes an awkward exchange to slip the flimsy fabric over his head, and when it’s off his gaze burns you with the emotions skyrocketing in those dark eyes. 

“Hey,” you whisper in a coo. You kiss the planes of his chest, over his nipple—he shudders and twitches when you do—and you look up before you reach his right shoulder. “Ezra, are you listening?”

“Loud and clear,” he grunts. 

“I don’t look at you any differently than before. You’re still the same beautiful, kind, funny, smart, and _pain_ in the ass man I fell in love with all those years ago, and you _surviving_ isn’t going to lessen that.” You trail your lips just barely over his skin, going down towards the scarred area; his hand loosens. “I know I can’t understand what it feels like, but I can sure as hell be here to pull you back.” You plant chaste but soft kisses down his bicep, and when you reach the scars a muffled sigh breezes through his nose. “Just remember this: we’re still the same. You and me. That’s not going anywhere and you’re going to get through this, okay?”

The world is silent and still, and it’s taking everything in you not to cry. Suddenly there’s a tug of your hair and his lips are back on yours, sloppier and hungrier but filled with all the words he can’t say—knowing him, it’s because he’s struggling not to cry, too. 

You moan when his teeth sinks into your bottom lip, barely giving you a chance to take a breath before he takes it, breathes in the oxygen from your lungs and selfishly demands more. You give it to him willingly and even grab a hold of his head, holding him to your lips and running your fingers through his locks. 

Ezra pulls back, only far enough so that your lips are barely touching and you’re still sharing the same breath. “I apologize,” he says breathlessly. “But I am afraid I cannot hold out right now. I need to feel you.”

You can’t help but smirk and give him a quick peck before sitting up and reaching down to the buttons of his pants, pulling them and his boxers down his legs so that he can kick them off; his cock smacks against his stomach, and you lick your lips hungrily at the sight. 

His chuckle—light hearted and music to your ears—breaks you out of your trance. 

“You know how to make a man blush, Blue,” he says with a small smile. 

You join in his laughter and go back to straddling him, grinding your wet core against the length of him. A growl echoes from deep within his chest, your pussy quivering at the sound. 

“I’m gonna take care of you, Ez,” you whisper; you don’t want to disturb this rare peaceful moment. 

His hips buckle when you finally wrap your hand around his thick girth, thumbing the precum already leaking. He latches onto your hip, encouraging you with a subtle tap of his finger, but he lets you pump your hand anyway, gritting his teeth. 

You decide to go easy on him and lift your hips to line his tip under your entrance, a soft sigh leaving your lips as you sink slowly down, looking down to watch his dick disappear into your cunt. 

“ _Stars_ , baby,” Ezra grunts. “Haven’t felt the slick, velvet walls of that sweet cunt for far too long.”

“Hmm,” you hum in agreement. 

You stop once your hips connect, the trimmed hair leading down his pelvis ticking your clit. You’ve never felt so full until you met Ezra, and feeling it now after the events leading up makes your heart want to burst out of your chest. 

“Please,” he whimpers beneath you, fingers straining so hard against your skin you’re sure they’ll be bruises tomorrow, and you open your eyes (when did you close them?) and watch the veins in his neck strain as he struggles to wait. 

You plant your palms on his sides and lift up until only the tip of him is inside before sliding back down leisurely; you can already hear the squelching of your pussy, but you can’t find any cell within you that’s embarrassed. 

After a few slow thrusts—his arm straining around your backside, grabbing a handful of your ass and squeezing—you start to bounce, feeling his balls slap against the underside of your bottom. 

“Shit Ez,” you moan wantonly. “ _Shit_ you feel so fucking good.”

For once—or better every now and then—you render him speechless, and the only way the man full of words can communicate is the moans and whimpers that makes your pussy flutter around him; the scratch of his veins along your sensitive walls only fuels the coil tightening and burning in your lower stomach. 

“ _Faster._ ”

At his grunting plea you plant your palms on either side of his head, leaning down and giving him a tongue filled kiss before pulling away, a string of saliva connecting and falling from your lips, and start slamming your hips down. 

“Yes,” he sighs, watching your breasts bounce. 

He tilts his head up and captures a nipple in his mouth, immediately swirling his hot tongue around the bud and giving it a bite. 

“Oh fuck baby I’m close,” you groan, shifting your hips in a circle as he continues to hit your g-spot over and over until you’re seeing stars. 

You feel him shift his feet and then suddenly he’s even _deeper_ inside of you, hitting every crook in your pussy; it makes you scream in both shock and pleasure. 

“I need to fuck this pussy properly,” he growls beneath you as he continues to thrust up into you, meeting your hips as they go down. “Fill you with my cum until it’s _dripping_ , lovely star.”

“ _Y-yes_ ,” you choke out. 

It literally feels like the breath is being knocked out of you with every hard, punctuated thrust and that your whole body will combust under the weight of this electric euphoria only Ezra can give to you. The slaps and sloshes of your bodies connecting echo loudly and your thighs start to burn and ache, to which doesn’t go unnoticed. 

“C’mon, Blue,” he thumbs your clit, making you whine and your pussy clench. “ _Please_. Let me feel the exquisite gush of your cunt, show me what I do to you.”

“I—” Your eyes are squeezed shut as you start to feel the hazy spikes shoot through from head to toe, numbing you in the best ways possible while you clench tighter and tighter until your clit is pulsing erratically, and it’s white hot and there’s a strange sound echoing in your ears; in the back of your head, you know it’s coming from you. 

Through the fog of your orgasm you can still feel his calloused thumb flicking your clit and when you try to pull it away he lightly slaps your hand and murmurs an apology. 

“One more. You have one more in ya, don’t you?”

“Ez,” you whine pathetically. Your pussy contracts around his cock, so sensitive from your orgasm that you know it’s not going to take long for another to roll around. 

“Let me feel another wave of those juices gushing my cock,” he growls, using every muscle he has to drive into you at a furious pace. “I can— _fuck_ I can feel you.”

You’re babbling incoherently at this point, too overwhelmed with nearly every sense heightened and abused in all the delectable ways. 

“E-Ezra, Ezra I’m…” 

What’s left of your plea becomes strangled in your throat. Your stomach tightens and it feels like your cunt _combusts_ around him, a gushing feeling that starts from your lower stomach, to your aching clit, and finally to where you’re connected. 

“Oh _fuck_. Oh fuck I’m—” 

Ezra’s hips stutters and a gargled whimper rips through his chest just in time with your own whimpers as his cums fills your aching pussy to the brim. 

You’re barely catching your breath before he’s bringing you down to his chest. Your head rises and falls rapidly with his pants and heart pounding against his chest; the beat is strong and rhythmic, the vibrations of it bringing a blanket of calmness over you. 

He rubs your slick back as you both come down, the gentle caress making your eyes start to droop in exhaustion with your pussy still stuffed full of him. 

“Thank you.”

The whisper scares you slightly, making you jump in his arms. He kisses the top of your head and mumbles a quiet ‘sorry’. 

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, my love, my shining light in the blanket of darkness—” he keeps going with more endearing nicknames until you laugh and shut him up with a smooch. 

“Oh, you don’t want to hear the rest of the many names I have for you?” He drawls teasingly. 

You rest your chin in the middle of his chest and playfully roll your eyes. He brushes his pointer finger along your eyebrow, his face relaxed and a small smile gracing yours. 

“I love you,” you tell him easily. 

For the first time since you escaped that moon, he looks happier, healthier, even, and you thank your lucky stars that you found a way to help him take this first step. That you were able to take that step yourself. 

It brings nothing but _hope_ for your futures.

“And I love you.”


End file.
